I finally posted on this blog again for the first time in over a year last night. I’ve realized there are many reasons I don’t blog very much:
- I don’t have much free time.
- I never have anything to write about.
- My writings, when they do come, are too haphazard and unrelated.
- People will respond with unnecessarily negative responses.
These reasons are all crap. I shall detail why:
- I have time for things that I make time for. In general, I sleep about 6 hours per night, and with commute time my work takes a chunk of around 10 hours a day of my time, 5 days a week. That still leaves 76 hours every single week that’s unallocated. I frequently fill this time with stupid activities like watching television and reading TV Tropes. Not having enough time isn’t a very good excuse.
- There are a great many topics I feel very passionately about. My reason #4 gets into part of the reason I don’t talk about these very much, but there are others. Still, it’s just a trick I play on myself to worm my way out of actively showing feelings one way or the other on a topic. This is crap. I’ve realized this on an academic level, and even blogged about it at least once. Still, it’s something that I must remind myself of regularly: having an opinion is not, inherently, a bad thing. Expressing myself shouldn’t be as hard as I make it on myself.
- This is, actually, a problem. I find that, the more I want to write, the more I want to cover various topics. I am a harpist, I am a programmer and database administrator, I’d like to be a linguist and polyglot (but again, going back to #1, I do not allocate time properly), and in my wildest imaginations, I think I’m an ok writer. I’d like to do all of these things, but cross pollination is a serious problem. Programmers don’t want to read my angsty poetry. I’ll get more into this further down.
- There’s not really a polite way to put this so: “fuck ‘em.” I’ve long put up with people who override my speech and try to talk down to me. Either they think they know more than I do on anything/everything, or they quite simply don’t have respect for me, either because they have respect for no one or they feel like I’m an idiot. These things are fine and I can’t correct anyone’s behavior, but this is my personal space and I’m just not going to tolerate it anymore. At this point, I’m going to simply delete comments if I feel like those comments are detracting or distracting from what I’m trying to say; if you’re a friend or a family member of mine and I delete your comment? Well, tough cookies. Try to be a more positive person.
I think the only problem that isn’t simply me internalizing a level of criticism that is neither present nor valid is the problem of the fractured nature of my writings here. I mentioned in my last blog that I’m going to attempt to write my own blogging software from scratch. There are reasons I haven’t finished it already, but most go right back to the “improperly allocated time” space. But, in a nutshell: I want to maintain separate “blogs” for my various passions. This way, people could subscribe to only what they actually want to read about.
I have some friends who are interested in languages. I have some who are interested in programming. I have some who are interested in writing. Still, if they have to spend even half a second wondering if something I’ve written will appeal to them when reading over an RSS output of my blog, then they’ll probably just skip mine entirely.
This isn’t to say I need a huge fandom. I’m not running ads on this blog so it makes no difference to me monetarily; I simply would like for people to be able to hear my opinions when they want, without them feeling like I’m shouting in their ears about topics on which they could care less only if they could somehow care a negative amount. So, I plan to split it up, but that’ll take some time, and I am tired of waiting on myself to do any one of 15 things before I start doing anything at all.
So, I’m going to try to force myself to spend at least 30 minutes, preferably an hour, on any given day, writing in this blog. I will probably write many stupid and inane things, and while I find my footing and get my split blogs set up, there will probably be a lot of excess noise, depending on the reason you personally originally stumbled on this blog. I hope anyone who’s actually reading this will bear with me while I adjust.
In the mean time, perhaps you’d like to read what I think are the two best posts on the site? They’re both “creative writing” posts, so you can skip it if you’re only here for the tech stuff: Running and The Advent of Autumn.